Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
