All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
