addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
