You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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