so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
