What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
