my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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