You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
