When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
