Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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