note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
