Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
