frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
