i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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