Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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