proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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