i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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