I just threw up on my dentist
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
