I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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