She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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