his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
