That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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