Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
