I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
