My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
