Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
