Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
