Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize