Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
