i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
