if you like me you must not know who I am
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
