why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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