her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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