fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
