I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
