I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
