so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
