FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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