my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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