I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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