Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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