final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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