You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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