I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
