Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
