so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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