Pants 0. Shit 1.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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