I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
