You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
