he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
