One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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