Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
