Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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