And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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