Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
