He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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