She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
