i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
