Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
