i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
