both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
