I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
