she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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